Twin Pregnancy: “Ruh Row”

Although this is my first healthy pregnancy (that I’m confident will result in babies at the end), I have been pregnant before. I’ve been pregnant with a singleton and now I’m pregnant with twins and I can say with absolute certainty that a twin pregnancy is hella different than a singleton pregnancy. 

Twin pregnancy…exciting, but ruh row, watch out!


I knew from the very beginning that I was having twins (ask any of my friends). Call it mother’s intuition, call it coincidence, call it freaky, but I just knew. My HCG levels were off the charts, which is often a sign of multiples, but I felt really different too…and FAST!

1) Hungry as all HELL

Yes, when you’re pregnant, you are a bit hungrier, but not legitimately until a few weeks to months when your body is really working extra hard to grow another being. In fact, research shows a preggo mama doesn’t even need any additional calories until the second trimester, and even then it’s only 300 calories more. However, with twins, I beg to differ with this bullshit. I was STARVING from day 1 and I’m not talking, “Oh, honey, I think I need a cracker” kind of hungry, I’m talking about head spinning, pea soup spewing, “FEED ME BITCH!” kind of hunger. And, the most annoying part- it’s ALL day long.

2) Waves of Nausea

Yeah, I hear you, “I had morning sickness too”, but this is some next level shizznit. I was in a sound (ie dead) sleep a few nights ago and was awoken by a literal wave of nausea that started at my feet and rushed through my body until I levitated from my bed and ran to the bathroom to shove my head in the toilet hoping I’d puke, but never did. Instead, I just began a chorus of Grammy Award winning dry heaving sounds. Yummy! Who’s hungry?

3)  Carbtastic Twins

I’m convinced I’m going to be delivering two buttered baguettes in 6 months because carbs are the only thing that go down with any regularity this week. I kid you not, on Tuesday I ate a tortila, two buttered rolls on an airplane, two croissants, crackers, and a shit ton of Hawaiian sweet rolls. I’m not worried about getting adequate nutrition though because when I can stomach it, I eat veggies and fruit like a champ and I get a clean, cold pressed juice or protein smoothie whenever I can, even though I’m likely to puke it up an hour later. My research says the baby can pull from mom’s nutirtional stores to get what they need even if she’s not eating. I also bought the Cadillac of prenatals which includes 6 pills and costs $75 a pack so….my babies will be okay. Expensive shit works best, right?

4) The Belly

I always thought when I got pregnant I’d have a few months of washboard abs before my sweet little baby pooch began to poke out. But, with twins, I started to resemble King of the Hill after about a week.

belly-photo 6 weeks

5) Gas

I read online that pregnant women can experience more gas and bloating, but this is defcon 5 level gas that sneaks out unauthorized and punches whatever unlucky son a bitch next to me in the face instantly before I even have time to excuse myself from the situation. I think I need to manufacture a line of shirts for twin moms that says, “Yes it was me…I’m farting for three”.

If it sounds like I’m complaining, please reread. I’m not complaining, I’m informing. I think women, men, moms, dads, whoever, need to know that they’re not alone and they like to know that what they’re experiencing is totally normal.

Today I ate a breakfast burrito and threw up. I drank a protein drink and threw up. I threw up wheatgrass about an hour later (about 6 upchucks of wheatgrass meaning that was my poorest choice of the day). Then, I ate the largest, doughiest, creamiest, most carbolicious bagel in the world and I’m convinced that bagel ate whatever monster was in my stomach because I haven’t puked in at least an hour. Score!

But, after going through what I went through to finally get these babies in my belly, I’m the happiest girl alive. Each upchuck is followed by a giggle and an internal smile and if it’s true that the sicker the mom, the healthier the babies, than I’m thrilled my babies will be born ironclad. 

Stay gold Ponyboy, 

That Girl

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