I Already Miss This

When you’re a mom, everyone tells you to “enjoy every moment” and how “it goes by so fast”. I’ve only ever wanted to be a mom so I have breathed in every moment and treasured each day, but this doesn’t stop time from racing by at warp speed. When I was pregnant I told myself I’d document everything, fill photo books, and date each milestone, but then they arrive and you find yourself spinning in circles trying to catch your breath and suddenly they’re almost through their first year of life and you know there are already things you’ve forgotten they did that were so wonderful and hundreds of moments you already miss. 

I already miss…and never want to forget…

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  • The way Cannon would wake up the entire neighborhood with his pterodactyl sounds after he first found his voice
  • How Cash would hold his eyes open as if falling asleep meant life or death
  • Taking a bath with him because they were tiny enough we all three fit in the tub together
  • Sneaking into bed next to their tiny Snugglenests and smelling their sweet breath, hearing their grunts and groans as they slept
  • I miss the tearless cries and toothless mouths
  • Nursing them in the tub
  • Cash used to get the hiccups ’round the clock & I loved the way he’d cling to me like a baby monkey with each jolt
  • The way they’d grunt like zombies and Cannon would smack his tummy or beat his chest demanding more food
  • The look on Cash’s face when he rolled over for the first time which scared the hell out of him
  • The way bashful Cannon used to put his cheek to his shoulder and look up at strangers as if he knew what a Gerber baby he was
  • Wearing them in my ACK wrap knowing they’d fall asleep in a matter of minutes with their head on my chest

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  • Nursing them and watching them search desperately for each other’s hands and seeing the relief when they found each other
  • Taking hour long naps with one (or sometimes both) snuggled in to my side or asleep on the breast
  • The way Cash would pet my face or stroke my hair as he fought sleep
  • Bundling them up in their Woombie swaddles and seeing them inch towards each other to spoon all night
  • Cannon talking to himself in his carseat mirror like he’d found his best friend
  • Cash kicking his legs wildly in the tub

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  • Their sweet chubby faces peeking out from under their Walrus or Hippo hooded towels
  • The excitement when they heard Rafi’s “Day-O” song the first time
  • Cash’s huge smile and sly giggle when I’m cleaning countertops
  • The way Cannon’s jowls rest on his carseat straps
  • Cash losing his voice from making zombie noises all night
  • The snuggles in the morning…heads on my shoulder
  • Sleeping next to Cannon from 4am-6am and kissing his juicy lips when he wakes up
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  • Cash log rolling from end to end on the bed attempting to dive off before we catch him
  • Wrestling them both after bath wondering when it was they stopped laying there letting me massage them
  • Biting their “biscuits” during diaper changes and hearing them laugh hysterically
  • Chasing them room to room and scaring them so bad they levitate and crack up laughing
  • Cash’s face on the swings

This list will only continue to grow and grow and grow as their personalities develop and as we experience more of this beautiful life together. I could choose to be sad as I think of days gone by, or I could focus on how wonderful it is that there’s even more of this to come. Their hands will not always be so small and chubby, but I’ll always have them to hold. Their feet will one day stomp instead of pitter patter, but the sound of them in my home will always be music to my ears. Their mouths will one day kiss a woman they’ve fallen in love with instead of me, but…their hearts will have always been mine first. Twice blessed, forget the rest.

Stay gold, That Girl

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How I’m Surviving the 4month Sleep Regression


If you haven’t heard of the dreaded four month sleep regression, you either don’t have children, have one too young (just you wait), or you birthed a unicorn child that was able to avoid it. I have not been so lucky so as a public service I’ve decided to let you mamas in on how I’m surviving the regression times two. 

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First of all, I’m not.

I tricked you into reading this post by letting you think I’m surviving it, but I’m really not. Each evening at 7pm I shiver in fear wondering what the next 12 hours might have in store for me. And all night long I cry to myself feeling like a failure as a “baby expert” and sleep guru. But, each morning at 4, 5, or 6am depending on when I finally throw in the towel and get up, I stumble into the kitchen where I fill a vat with coffee and chug it like a frat boy the morning after bid day. There’s tip #1 I guess…coffee. Part of my evening routine is to prepare my coffee and set it to go off in the wee morning hours so it’s ready when I am.

Second, go the eff to sleep when they do. 

I’ve embraced an early bedtime since the twins were born and I couldn’t see straight after 7pm. Some nights I try to party like a rock star and stay up until 8:30 or even 9 to spend time with my husband, but the next morning I have visions of stabbing him in his sleep because I’m so tired and this negates the romance (Tosh.O watching party) of the night before. Yes, my marriage is important to me; however, I prefer to meet him for a midday meal after my gallon of coffee and catch up then. We’ve had plenty of conversations about our time together and he realizes this is a short period in our lives where he’s taking third place. He understands the babies need me 100% right now and he’s supportive. Thank the Lord I didn’t marry a selfish man. So, like I said, go to sleep when they do. Most babies have their longest stretch of sleep up front so if I’m able to get down at 7:00pm, I might get to sleep until 10 or even 11. This may be all you get so cherish it!

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Third, throw everything you know out the window.

If I only had one baby I would feed them only every 3-4 hours overnight and if they woke up in between that time I would quietly soothe them back to sleep in hopes of teaching them it’s not time for food yet. With two babies, this is damn near impossible. I sleep while nursing, I let them sleep in bed with me, I hold them while they sleep from time to time. Last night I even let Cash play with one hand while I used the other to hold the effing pacifier in Cannon’s mouth and I attempted to sleep in plank position across he bed with my legs hanging halfway off the mattress.

Let me walk you through it. We go down at 7:00pm as a team.

10:00pm Cash wakes up, but Cannon is still passed out. I decide to feed Cash since it’s been 3 hours.

11:00pm, Cannon wakes up at 11 for food, which disturbs Cash. Cash won’t go back to sleep without being nursed again so I nurse both.

1:00am, Cash wakes up because technically he had his best feed at 10am and his breast wasn’t full for the 11pm feed so he’s hungry again. Feed him.

2:00, Now Cannon wakes up at because he ate at 11pm. Feed Cannon.

3:30 am Cash wakes up just for kicks. Rock, soothe, pat him down. Now it’s 3:30am and I try to go back to sleep.

4:15 am rolls around and Cash can’t figure out how to transition into his new “adult” sleep cycle. Pat, rock, soothe, but he’s so pissed off he won’t go back to sleep and I’m fearful he’ll wake up Cannon. I’m so tired, angry, and frustrated that I pull him next to me and finally decide to let him nurse while I try to sleep without rolling over and suffocating him at 5am.

5:30am, Cannon is up ready to eat again and I have to wake Cash up in order to get into position to feed Cannon, too. Now both boys are too stimulated (and rested) to go back to sleep so we all get up at 6am and start the day.

6:00am, I yell the F word to myself through a loving mother’s smile and stumble to the kitchen for coffee.

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The point is, there are no rules during this fourth month of hell. Bloggers and sleep trainers will advise not to get into bad habits and hell, I’ve given that advice myself, but this was before I experienced it myself times two! I would much rather just get through this time, try to get as much sleep as I can, whether that means nursing on demand or holding them while we sleep, and then break those bad habits later.

As tough as this mini phase is, I love the baby breath and warm lips on my neck in the mddle of the night. I love Cash’s soft chubby hand smacking my face while he fights sleep. When Cannon wails for food, I know he’s screaming for me and knowing I have what he needs to feel safe, calm, and satisfied is a powerful feeling. So, I guess, that’s how I’m surviving the four month sleep regression. I’m trying to focus on the beautiful parts. I’m looking for joy in every challenging moment and it’s not hard to find.

Stay gold, 

That Girl

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Organizing for Two: Moms with Multiples

I started taking care of twins when I was 15 years old. I think I’ve cared for 5-6 sets of twins long term and now I’m expecting my own (what what?!). Twins are a piece of cake IF you’re prepared so lemme let you in on my secrets for staying sane as a mom of multiples (including twosies).

 First, I’ve had this book about “juggling twins” and I have to advise all moms of twins to AVOID reading this book if you’re at all antsy about your fate as a twin mom. This book will definitely scare you into thinking your life as you know it is over and that’s just not the case. It was very overdramatic regarding the little things like space, sleep, toys, clothes, and even outings with twins. Don’t listen to the nonsense; you’ll be fine. In fact, I totally think twins are easier than two kids of different ages.

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Hear me out:

Twins have the same schedule, same bedtime, bathtime, feeding time and will always go to the same school and likely the same afterschool activities.

Twins wear the same size clothes and diapers and drink from the same size bottles.

Twins play together and entertain one another because they’re at the same age and developmental level.

They have the same carseat type, same bed, same potty, same stroller (with no extra adaptors).

That being said, it does take SERIOUS organization to be a mom to twins ESPECIALLY birth to three. After that, you should only need a planner, a few organization apps, and a family calendar. But, for the baby stages:

1) Utilize RIGHT and LEFT

Whether your twins are identical or fraternal, you will inevitably forget who ate what, who you changed, who spit up, who napped the longest, etc unless you take advantage of the photographic memory we all have. Think about it, when you’re trying to remember something, even if you’re sleep deprived, you try to picture it in your head right? Well, if you keep the same twin on the right or always on the left at all times, then when you’re trying to remember which twin did what, all you have to do is picture it and you’ll know it was the baby on the right/left which means it was ______________.

For example, I worked with IDENTICAL twin girls once overnight. Charlotte was always in the crib on the right, the bouncer on the right, the swing on the right. If, and when, she needed medicine, I always put it in the bottle on the right because I knew that would be the bottle I gave her since she was always on the right. Trust me, this is GENIOUS!

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2) Hit up the Container Store

Raise your hand if you carry your diaper bag everywhere? If that’s the case, you likely don’t have twins. It can be damn near impossible to keep up with a diaper bag, a purse, and two babies. My suggestion is to put the necessities in your purse (2 diapers and a travel pack of wipes and an emergency bottle). The rest stays in a three tiered container in the trunk of your car. You have twins, therefore I KNOW you have an SUV. If not, run don’t walk directly to the dealership and buy one.

In this 3 tiered container you have: 

Top: lifetime supply of diapers, wipes, creams, powders, wet bags, and a changing mat. You change babies in the trunk when you’re out and about because you can NOT change two babies on a wobbly changing table at a store.

Middle: emergency bottles, formula (even if you’re nursing, just have some on hand), pacifiers, snacks, motrin, neosporin, bandaids, bibs, sunscreen, and whatever else MacGyver would have needed to save the world.

Bottom: 2-3 changes of clothes including hats, extra socks, and hoodies or jackets. Even if you live somewhere hot, you’ll find yourself at an ice cold restaurant with two screeming babies because they’re freezing their tushies off and you won’t be prepared. That would suck.

Double this in your partner’s car AND grandma’s car (or your sitter’s car) for bonus points.

3) Start a filing system AND journal for both INDIVIDUALLY

Twins will likely get called, “Hey you!” most of their lives whether they’re identical or fraternal, unless they’re boy girl, but you as the mama can do your part to establish sense of self and individuality as much as possible. So, my suggestion to you is to get two pocket filing folders, 2 journals, and 2 photo albums/scrapbooks.

Pocket Folders: these are those accordian folders you can get at an office supply store. Label the front with each baby’s name and/or photo and then label the pockets with things such as medical records, birth certificate, vaccinations, report cards, awards, annual photos, etc. Store each child’s info in these because eventually they’ll have separate lives and you won’t want to rummage through one big folder to find who was allergic to what and who got the failing reports in pre-K reading, etc. You’ll want each records accessible and individualized.

Journals: This is mainly for the baby stage, but this will help you keep track of each person’s sleeping, feeding, and pooping patterns, and communicate with other caregivers whether that’s your spouse, friends, family, or hired help.

Photo Albums: They’ll each want to flip through their own album and their own scrapbook to see photos of themselves and over time you’ll forget which one it was that covered themselves in maple syrup at breakfast or which one you caught playing in the toilet. If they’re identical, start scrapping early and make an effort to keep up as they grow.

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Having twins is a HUGE blessing! I’ve always been fascinated my twins and I’d rather not think of them as a “handful”, but rather as “hell yeah, double the fun!” 

Stay gold Ponyboy, 

That Girl

“That Girl” is Preggers!

It’s been one HELL of a journey to get to this point. Lordy, what I’ve been through, but it was all worth it. In the end, I’ll have TWO (not one, but two) sweet chunks o’ love (to love and to hold) from that day forward. I used to be “that girl” who has a baby business, but no baby, but now I’m “that girl” with the baby business and twins!

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Let’s recap in case you’re new to my blog. I dated my husband for seven years prior to getting engaged so when we got married we were READY to start our family. I knew after only a few shorts months of trying that this wasn’t going to be easy. Basic blood work showed I was “fertile” and I was basically laughed out of the fertility clinic (being only 28 and all).

Six months later I was put on clomid. Double the dose. Triple the dose. Nothing happemed so we moved on to femara. Double the dose. Triple the dose. Moving on to injectables. Increase injectables. Give up hope. I had a PAINFUL HSG scan done…PAINFUL (which is not the norm unless somethings wrong although no one said anything regarding that. HSG ruled inconclusive.

Then, over a year and a half later, my fertility specialist suggested a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. BINGO! That was definitely hindering the process. When that was removed we thought we were good to go. Then…nothing. More meds, injectables, sonograms, IUIs…nada.

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So, I switched fertility doctors. “Umm…did you know you have a uterine septum?” What the what?! For two years of seeing umpteen thouand doctors, each of whom had a guided tour of my uterus and nobody stopped to see the sights?! Welp, we scheduled that surgery pronto.

By the way, if you have surgery for a septum removal, do NOT listen to the doctor when he says you’ll be back at work on Monday unless you think you can focus on the job while simultaneously dealing with the labor-esque contractions your body goes into trying to deliver the uterine ballooon that’s being held in your uterus. If you can do that, mazel tov! Me? I was on bedrest for two weeks with my legs squeezed together and crying in the fetal position.

So, fast forward another year, thousands of dollars spent, more meds, more procedures, more injectables, more scheduled pharmaceutical trips, more doctor visits, and one TRAGIC, heart wrenching pregnancy loss. Finally comes June, 2015 when the stars finally aligned for us.

I go to the doctor for a day 3 ultrasound, no cysts. They GIVE me $1300 worth of meds that were donated. Hallelujah! Some financial relief that allowed me to move forward this time. Every day for a week I went for lab draws at 7am, sonograms at 4pm. No cysts, no damage, no hyper stimulation. Looked good! On June 7 (my 32nd birthday) we’re ready for an IUI (aka turkey baster insimination), then we did that again on June 8th. This time I had 7 follicles (ie 7 possible chances to create life), 4 of which were “very” mature, and…TWO of them decided they were ready to meet me, their mama!

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Not one, but TWO! I found out on Father’s Day that my babies were here, but last Friday it was confirmed that I had the twins I felt I had. Baby A and Baby B will be in my arms early 2016.

I know I likely have many readers struggling with infertility and I hope you don’t find this post discouraging. I hope you find it encouraging. Whenever I get concerned, I hear God’s voice saying, “Whay are you afraid? Peace, be still” Matthew 8:26

He has got your back, ladies. Turn to Him and pray for your babies. He nows when it is your turn so be patient and He will come through. 

Stay gold, Ponyboy

That Girl

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