Wow, anytime I post about my journey it’s typically accompanied by a glass (or bottle) of cabernet and crying over my computer. Not this time! I’m finally in a really good place about this area of my life! I’m kickin’ butt emotionally, physically, financially, socially, and…maritally (is that a word?)
My husband is 6’5, 240lb and told me once that as long as I don’t ever get bigger than him, we don’t have a problem. He’s never once seen me naked and told me to cover up so…he doesn’t have a problem with my body and my problem stemmed from pure vanity. Yes, I used to be svelte, toned, and had a stomach you could balance a pencil on, but I’ve been prepping my body for growing a human for the past few years and it’s damn near impossible to keep washboard abs when you’re injecting 75-150mg of artificial hormones into yourself every day. I’m welcoming the additional 8-12lbs as a housewarming gift for my bambino.
The doctors have said to chill out on the workouts so I’ve embraced yoga a few times a week and added a daily 3.5 mile walk/run around the neighborhood. Being a twinpert and gently jiggling multiples every day and night tones the arms, too.
I was a bit perturbed with Cloudy when he told me we needed to take a 90 day break from the fertility treatments to get back on top financially, but as it turns out, that was exactly what we needed. In that 90 days I was able to focus more on building my client base, teaching workshops, expanding my website and hosting events and I’m proud to say I paid OFF my major credit card, paid OFF 3 major medical bills, and put buckoos of mula in savings! Undergoing fertility treatments is like hooking up a funnel to your checking and savings account…you’ll watch every dollar and cent fall out into the abyss. But, taking a break helped us get back on top. Plus, my doctor gave me samples this month which saved us $1300!
My role with a local mom blog was replaced recently and although I was bitter about it at first, it turned out to be a HUGE blessing! I didn’t realize how stressful and draining my role with that organization was. Now, I only spend my free time with friends and family who lift me up and energize me. I think it’s crucial for infertiles to “trim the fat” in their social life and disassociate with people who drain you or cause undue stress and negativity. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
Not sure if this is a real word, but I’m referring to my marriage. We’re in a good place. It took a few knock-down dragout, I hate you fights, but we’ve gotten to a place of understanding and communication. We’ve moved past the grief of losing our first pregnancy and we’re in a more open place regarding our future plans. We also created a rule of, “don’t talk to Crazy”, which is the name of my alter-ego, who makes an appearance only when I’m on these fertility meds. That bitch is nuts and says really mean things to Cloudy that she can’t take back so he knows to steer clear of Crazy (and myself) once she/I start my injections.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I might not be a mom. This doesn’t mean I’ll be childless. I have a gift for helping moms, helping kids, and helping babies. I’m an amazing aunt and I love my kid’s friends to pieces. I have a great life filled with travel, adventure, love, and lots of laughter. I won’t have lived a meaningless life without being a mom in the traditional sense. I’m more of a mom at heart than many moms I know.
I’m on the third day of injectables, I get lab work done tomorrow and a sonogram and if all goes well, we will do an IUI this month. Help me out though and PLEASE don’t ask how things are going. I still want the element of surprise if, and when, we announce a pregnancy.
Stay gold, Ponyboy!