I’ve been uncomfortably honest about my journey towards motherhood and my struggles with my multiple infertility diagnosis. This, however, is not going to be about my journey. This is a letter to all the women out there who are trying to become pregnant, who have “pulled the goalie”, or who are actively hoping to conceive.
Dear Hoping to Become Pregnant,
Stop trying! For more than two-thousand and fourteen years women have been getting pregnant without trying. A sperm does not have to try to find the egg; it just does. And once they find each other, if it is the right time, the right environment, and if the stars have aligned, it gets in. You have ZERO, I repeat-ZERO, control over when and how this happens unless you have thousands of dollars a month to make it happen. So, quit trying. Sit back, or lie back, and just enjoy the process.
Enjoy NOT being pregnant. I’ve been “pregnant” off and on for the last two years because I get injected with artificial pregnancy hormones every two weeks. Then, I’m literally suppose to act like I’m pregnant for the next two weeks (even though I never am pregnant). I can’t have caffeine, alcohol, sushi, medicines, oysters, cookie dough, or work out at the intensity I like. So, whenever I get put on a break from my fertility treatments I get to enjoy NOT being pregnant. Instead of crying to your girlfriends every time you get your period, get excited. Here’s my phone call to a friend (after crying secretly to myself for an hour):
“Wahoo! I’m not pregnant! Wanna go for a run around Town Lake and then get some sushi and sake bombs?”
Be a kick-ass mom to your friend’s kids and to your nieces and nephews. I’ve been trying to get pregnant since my favorite lil’ girl, Elle, was 3 months old. She’s two and a half now. That’s a long time! But, instead of getting lost in the fact that she keeps getting older and I still haven’t been able to create a friend for her to play with, I cherish the fact that I’ve had so much special time to bond with her. If I had my own baby or babies, I wouldn’t have half the time I’ve had to devote to my sweet friend Elle. I’ve gotten to enjoy her first words, her first steps, her struggles to choke down solid foods, and we’ve had hours of dance parties and trips to the park that I’ll always hold dear to my heart.
Because I’m not a mother yet, I was present for the birth of my niece. I wasn’t chasing a toddler around in the waiting room either. I was right there, holding my sister’s hand and witnessing Evelyn’s first breaths, first sounds, first sights. My niece and I will ALWAYS share a special bond because I was there when she came into the world. What a blessing! Her hand on my face (like below) is a feeling I’ll move mountains to keep experiencing.
Do NOT tell your husband when you’re ovulating, when you’re “fertile” or when it’s time to get busy. I’ve had to do that the last few months because we have a very medical, methodical, unsexy approach to conception, but we’re the minority. In fact, 85% of you will conceive without needing any medical assistance or planning at all. So, if it is your “fertile” time and you want to make sure you get your…ahem…dose of protein? Just use it as an excuse to get in your sexiest gettup and channel your inner goddess! Only an idiot could turn you down if you play your cards right. Kiss, hug, cuddle, and be fully present with each other. Work on your marriage and your partnership before you’re a threesome, or foursome, etc.
It’ll be your time when it’s your baby’s time. My sister put this into perspective for me when she said this, “Your baby has to be conceived at a particular moment in order to be born at the exact day, and time, it needs to have the exact life it’s meant to have. It needs to be born precisely at the right moment to meet its friends, its spouse, etc. You can’t rush it to be born before its time”.
So, “Hoping to Become Pregnant”, instead of focusing on the one thing you DON’T have right now, focus on the things you DO have!
What do you do to get through the “waiting game”?