This is an oldie, but goodie from the archives; a letter to my unborn child I wrote as my infertility journey began to get more intense. I hope those struggling to get pregnant will find comfort in this.
To my unborn, not yet conceived, but unconditionally loved child,
I have been waiting to meet you for as long as I can remember, but having to wait for you has taught me patience, selflessness, and faith. I have to be patient and realize you’ll be mine when the world is ready for your life to begin and not a moment before. I have learned selflessness, because it’s my own selfish desire to demand you now, but I have to trust His timing. I’ve had my faith tested time and time again, but I have to have faith that eventually we’ll meet.
I imagine meeting you and feeling as though I’ve always known you. I wil not be afraid as many mothers have warned me I would. I will not be stressed about caring for you because I’ve prepared myself for you for so long, and I will not be unsure about your needs because we were designed to meet each other’s needs right from the start.
My hope for you is PASSION! I will model for you a lust for life, an adventure seeking spirit, and a curiosity about things unknown. I will not tell you what to expect, but will stand by and provoke your curiosity so that you may discover for yourself. I will not answer your questions, but encourage you to share your thoughts and draw your own conclusions. I will provide you with opportunities to learn, observe, and discover.
My hope for you is LOVE! I will model unconditional love in my love for you and for your father, but I will also allow you to get your heartbroken so that you may learn that real love doesn’t hurt. I will put my relationship with your father above all else so that you will feel secure that your parents love you together as one body. I will let you see the trials, tribulations, and obstacles overcome in my relationships with my sisters and family so that you will learn how to express feelings and work through things with loved ones. I will share with you why I chose your father above anyone else in hopes you will become the man he is or marry a man as strong as he is. You will love, be loved, and know love.
My hope for you is LAUGHTER! I will model for you how to find the humor in things that are tough, how to laugh at yourself when you make human mistakes, and how to laugh with your whole heart.
My hope for you is HAPPINESS! I will not become a mother who sacrifices everything in my life for you, because I do not want you to be someone who sacrifices your life for anyone else. I don’t want you to learn that you’re my only source of happiness because that would be a lie, but it would also be unfair pressure on you to make me happy. That’s not your job. I’ll love you enough to take time for myself and find my own happiness in the things I love and enjoy so that you will learn the value of self care. I will teach you that happiness is a choice and a constant battle to maintain.
My hope for you is HEALTH! I will commit myself to creating a healthy environment and providing you with foods meant for nourishment, not self-indulgence. I will say “no” to you when you ask for things that are not healthy because I want you to learn that I love you enough to protect your health even if it makes me sad to tell you “no”.
My hope for you is STRUGGLE! I hope that you struggle so that you will learn success and I will provide opportunities for you to fail so that you will build the desire to succeed. I will not solve your problems for you, but I will be a consultant to help you think through a course of action. If I interfere, I’m preventing valuable learning opportunities. You won’t like it at the time, but you’ll thank me later.
My hope for you is LEADERSHIP! I will build your confidence by recognizing your accomplishments, encouraging your decision making abilities, and surrounding you with supportive family and friends. I will model leadership and independent thinking so that you will be a leader, not a follower.
My hope for you is PRIDE in yourself! I will not tell you you’ve done a good job when you haven’t. I will not praise you for work done half heartedly and I will not tell you you’re amazing when you haven’t put in effort. I will praise EFFORT, not product. I will not give you stickers or treats when you are successful, but I will hug you and smile and listen lovingly as you tell me how good it felt to be successful. I want you to be motivated by your desire to be great, not MY desire for you to be great.
My hope for you is ME! I hope I can be the mother I encourage other mothers to be. I hope I can raise you the way I was raised. I hope I’ll be strong enough to follow through on my commitments to you and I hope I’m strong enough to stand back when I know I need to let you learn for yourself. I hope you and I will meet soon. I love you. Love, Mom.
This letter was originally written Sept. 7, 2013. Today is Oct. 27, 2014 and I’m still agressively trying to meet you. Soon, my baby, soon.