Well, my 90 day break from the fertility suckage is almost over. Although the calm and serenity I was seeking was very rudely interrupted by a pregnancy and loss, I still think taking a break was the best thing for myself, my marriage, and my overall health.
My miracle worker, Dr. Silverburg, suggested I go back in injections with IUI, but…I’m thinking not. I mean, we’ve never tried anything since my septum removal and if that was one of the major obstacles, why go straight back to injections, the “big guns” without trying the lil things first? Injections were often overstimulating, they hurt like a bitch, they cost more than a new couch (which we need desperately I might add), and I hate carrying around a cooler everyday! So…femara it is.
I have a very, “let’s be real” approach to fertility because, let’s be real, if you’re going through it, there’s a moment each month (or each day) where playing in traffic seems like an awesome lunch break idea. So, here’s the ABC’s of Femara, for those of you taking this lovely pill.
A is for appetite, which increases rapidly beyond cotrol.
B is for bloating beyond buttons on jeans
C is for cravings (today I wanted a donut sandwich).
D is for Don’t. Don’t drink, don’t run, don’t miss a pill, don’t do zumba, don’t…
E is for enlarged ovaries are at risk for twisting (Ouch!)
F is for the four letter word that all infertiles know well
G is for gonal is $1300, but Femara is only $12…winning!
H is for headaches. Feeling as though a midget is sawing my skull in half has become normal.
I is for injections suck, so let’s try pills
J is for jumping can also make your ovaries twist when you’re on femara
K is for the knot you tied with the person you love. Hold on tight to it.
L is for love. You’ve got to remember that you’re doing this to create a lil chunk o’ love.
M is for maniac. Anytime you’re taking hormones, there’s a good chance your alterego can take over and you start to resemble Charles Manson.
N is for nuisance. Be prepared for everything to annoy you on femara so take them at night to reduce the impulse to kill others.
O is for ovidril that releases the follicles when they’re ready. This is “go time”
P is for the pills you pat in your purse all day everyday to make sure you haven’t lost them somehow
Ironic this photo credit goes to “Conceive Easy”
Q is for umm…Q is for? Anyone? Bueller?
R is for rest, relax, recoop.
S is for sleep is a pipedream. I can never sleep well on femara.
T is for twins are likely! Whoop whoop!
U is for ultrasound, the critical moment when you find out the follicles size, readiness, and number that will be released
V is for the violins playing in the background when you finally break down
W is for wait two weeks after the pills are over to find out if they “worked”.
X is for XX…or
Y is for … XY, neither matters to me as long as he/shes healthy
Z is for zis is almost zee end of zee road. Zay ztrong and zour bambino will be here zoon.
I’d be lying if I said I’m always able to find the humor in this situation or that I have a lighthearted approach to the struggle. The struggle is real. It sucks. It’s hard. It’s isolating and nobody gets it, but us. However, it does help me keep my head together to make a few jokes about it every now and again and laugh at the suck.